Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Me VS Interpretation of the word “Gym”

Last blog I spoke about the fears that prompted me to do 12WBT-now I’m branching out into the one of the fears that I still have lol; The GYM!!
Now when I first think of the Gym, I think Dread lol. I have/had in my mind this world full of ‘beefcakes’ and slim gorgeous women in matching clothes that don’t turn red or sweat when they work out. This is a world that I don’t belong in nor somewhere that I would feel comfortable.
Now I know this is completely irrational and is mostly likely a combination of my excuses as to why I shouldn’t go, but being an overweight, unhealthy and unfit woman the gym is a hugely daunting/intimidating place.
Well last week I bit the bullet and joined the local gym- lol I took a friend for moral support and had taken a few days to talk myself into the right choice- and they ARNT scary at all- in fact everyone is more than welcoming and there are many people like me too. I knew that I needed some structure and guidance in my workout especially starting off and they have a biggest loser group full of like-minded people. There are three compulsory sessions each week- varying from cardio, strength, core etc. And wait for it I’m actually having FUN- the sessions are hard but worthwhile and I’m surrounded by positive and encouraging vibes.
Lol I still get nervous going into every session (seems so silly to be), mainly wondering what I will be doing and can I handle it etc etc all the self-doubt feelings but I’m not so overwhelmed to the point of avoiding them.
I’m surprised to find that my motivation for losing weight is flowing into many other areas of my life. I have always been a shocking sleeper- between 3-4hours per night is normal for me which usually has a negative impact on what I eat. What I eat then has negative impact on how I sleep- one of those vicious cycles. But since starting 12WBT with the exercise and clean eating I’ve been able to break out of the bad sleeping habits, I’m actually tired and want to sleep. YAY to almost 8hrs most nights. More sleep equals more energy equals more motivation equals results- now this is more of the cycle I’m looking for J
I’m still looking at myself slightly negative in that I focus on what I can’t do; not what I AM doing but I know that confidence will come in time. And every step in the right direction is helping.

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Fear, Hope, Photos and the start of the Journey

I didn’t know if I was originally going start a blog lol (well obviously I have). I wondered what I would write, who would read, whether I was interesting etc etc.
I then realised that this blog isn’t being written for anyone else, it’s being written so that I can see my journey and put pen to page as such.
So in advance I warn; I’m an atrocious speller, my grammar intermittently misguided and I’ve been told I’m good at going off on tangents.

The photos that started it all….

I think a lot of people will be able to relate to those photos- you know the photos that you quickly untag on Facebook or delete on the camera before anyone else’s eyes can see them.
Unfortunately with the weight I have been for a while- I feel like I have SO many of those photos.
I don’t know what it was about this one in particular, could have been it was my birthday or that with my rose coloured glasses I was content with how I thought I looked that night. Could be that I'm eating cake too

But I haven’t been content with how I look for a long time. I’m sick of being the 'girl who would be pretty if she wasn’t fat'. I’ve found that my weight has such a negative impact on my life. I don’t look after my appearance as much as I use to, I’ve become lazy and more complacent.
I was really good at turning a blind eye to my weight- my favourite phases to myself was “I show my weight well” or “I’m heavier than I look”. But I certainly show it now and more important I feel it. I closed my eyes since heading over the 100kg mark and think I’ve kept them closed since
I had been looking at Michelle Bridge’s 12WBT for the last couple of rounds, I would sign up fill it all in and get to the payment point and then really consider was I ready, was I motivated enough to make the lifestyle choices I needed. And two times I wasn’t. People say third time lucky, maybe it is that but I know that I made this choice and this is it for me.   Surprisingly a lot of my starting motivation came from Fear: fear that if I don’t do something now I never will, Fear that I could be alone for the rest of my life and Fear that I’ll be selling myself short on life.
So as much as I might be scared or nervous about 12WBT and the challenges it will bring, I was more fearful of my future if I didn’t make the change.
The nervousness is still there but gone is the fear replaced with excitement and most importantly Hope.