Tuesday, 18 December 2012

So Where have I Been

So where have I been
Now it is somewhat obvious that for the last 5 or so weeks I have gone a bit ‘missing in action’
There were a few reasons for this but the main one being that I needed “ME” time
Me time makes me sound a little bit selfish and self centered but I just needed time to re-focus and balance myself a bit more.
I’ve looked at my blog and hadn’t absolutely NO idea how to write or if I could put into words how I feeling. So I made to decision rather that write forced ‘crap’ as I call it I would wait until I felt ready to write again.
After Sydney finale, everything was intense and completely and utterly INSANE. I’m not a private person at all, but I certainly wasn’t prepared for the attention both negative and positive that I received. I had emails, Facebook message, and blog posts. I had random people at work congratulations - hell I didn’t even know they knew about 12WBT. I am in no way an attention seeker and all of this really made me want to go running to the hills and hide.
I am so super proud of my accomplishments on my journey so far and I would like to think I am a strong minded, determined young women HOWEVER there is honestly only so much negative that I can and WANT to deal with.
If I read one more “that’s great that you won’t die of heart disease instead you’ll die of skin cancer”, “These results are photo shopped and you’re a fake” (ps here if I photo shopped I might of got rid of the sunburn just personally you know lol) or “You still so fat, unhealthy etc.” – I think I might of cracked. These were the polite comments I received- I shall not re write some of the emails as its bit like “feeding the trolls”.
the said sunburnt and  photoshopped photos :P

There was a stage where I felt like I was spending more time on the computer than outside, moving gym’ing or the like.  I had SO many messages to reply to and there was only so much time I want to spend talking about my journey rather than living it. That sounds like I didn’t want to be supportive but its more that I’m still only halfway thru and I most certainly don’t have the answers yet
I started off being able to deal with it, but then it got to a point where I went – Actually I’m NOT ok with how this is making me feel.  So I made to decision just to withdraw a little bit from the ‘online environment’ to get my head in the right space.
So for a while I just kept to myself, worked my ass off at the gym, followed the program just very quietly going about my business. I eventually was able to step back and realise that a lot of the those comments were either from jealousy or from people scared about their own journeys- deep down I knew this already , but these facts were hidden by my hurt from them in the first place.
So after my ‘ME” time, I’m Back, happy, positive, healthy, proud and estatic where I am now and well into the Eighties